Literature, Perfection, and Then There's Me

 

I’ll come right out and say it, I love to write. A Charles Dickens I am not. My words on paper cannot compare to the eloquence of our classic favorites, yet, I still put down my thoughts in hopes someone will read. What comes from the bottom of my pen is purely expressed from my head. I write from my heart and what is on my mind. I guess you could say my writing technique is equal to Tommy Boy’s selling technique. Rather rough around the edges, and most definitely a grammatical error here and there. I have never been able to articulate a thought with finesse.  I blurt out a thought and invariably have to explain what I meant in embarrassment. I says what I feel, and feel what I says.
When I first began dating my lovely wife of 41 years, I remember, and so does she I might add, loving the color of her eyes. They are green and, in the light, sparkled and shined. In my usual speak before think, I got really close to her and said, “I love your eyes, they remind me of lizard eyes”.
Now, most of you are thinking how cruel. In my head, I thought it would be a compliment as I thought lizards had extremely cool eyes. Nope, didn’t work out like I expected, and 42 years later we still laugh at my romantic ways.
Yes, believe it or not she stuck around for another date.

Stop – Squirrel, time to put on some music for this post:
Chris Botti, To Love Again, 2005, Columbia
Il Divo, Il Divo, 2004, Syco
Those that are unfamiliar with my posts, I include my playlists. Hoping I can share some good tunes as well if readers are interested in checking them out. I do not rate the music, but if I’m listening to it while I am writing then it is a preference. Hint!
The irony is a reader I am not. I cannot settle down long enough to open a good book and turn page after page as the hours slip away. I do have a few favorite authors from my earlier years; Og Mandino, Charles Dickens, Stephen R Donaldson, and John Steinbeck.  An eclectic montage of styles I know. I guess it’s like my taste in music, I like everything as long as it doesn’t suck, our opinions being the judges on what sucks.
Through the years there have been many attempts at writing. I tried writing a few songs in the way back era of the 1980’s, but just couldn’t find any performers wanting to collaborate. I mean I didn’t sing nor play any of the official garage band instruments, so I had a limited takers on my renditions of lyrics, actually none. I do recall a local band wanting to put music to one of my pieces, “Bending Over and Grabbing Your Shoes Blues”. Nothing ever came of it and I carried on with day job. It was a future Grammy winner for sure.

My wife and I joined together on a very unique idea and spent a few months trading sessions on the typewriter, (yep, before computers). We started out writing together then had an idea to trade off to see where our imaginations would take us. Where one would stop, the other would continue the best they could in the same tone. We knew it was the next best seller. That too faded into the mist.
Somewhere, at the bottom of a box, in a room unknown to us is the rough draft to that story. One day we will search for it and see if it was truly as fantastic as we remember.

Then tragedy struck our family in the late 90’s and I began to write again. This time short stories. Although I immersed myself deeper than ever before, the result of my writing did not win people over. I was once again putting to paper what I was feeling and thinking but using characters and places, not me and not my surroundings. It was very dark and people did not understand or see my vision as it was rather abstract. There were a variety of tales that all seemed to have a correspondence with death.
Through the years I wanted to put these stories together in compilation, but they are missing. To this day I am looking for that notebook because I felt they were very good stories that just needed some fine tuning to be public. It is most likely in the same box as the previously missing masterpiece.

It was the beginning of a new era and I began dabbling in digital art. I worked with many programs to accomplish my final outcomes. My words became colors and shapes. I have touched on my digital artwork in previous posts. It was there that others could see my vision. Many of my digital images were dark as well, but were accepted. I had fun creating images that made some one guess where I was
coming from, and from time to time it seemed I was in a very dark place mentally. That was many years ago and I look back at the archives I have left and am certainly glad I moved on.

I attempted blogging around 2012 or so and it lasted a short time as well. I just couldn’t find my audience. I would get a few comments and then silence. No more views. I had my dedicated readers, upstairs in one of the three bedrooms. All the support one needed to continue. Granted, I am not a literary scholar nor a marketing genius and I knew it was all about how to reach the viewers, not necessarily my subjects. When I read back through the material from years ago, it seems I have always touched on what was happening on a personal basis. Not necessarily best-selling material, but I am sharing to the readers and then maybe they can share with themselves, and reflect. Too many people close the curtains and don’t look out.

Articles have pointed me to trying to find the right niche, or topic to write about, choosing one from a list that shows popular subjects. I realize that these are proven successful processes for most. I feel I have found a niche; I talk about everyday feelings and what happens in our lives. It’s a release. Not everybody can relate to the arts, technology, or politics, but they can certainly relate to a death in the family, or missing their family members, or how the holidays will be spent and with whom. How we relate to our spirituality, or admit to it is another important topic. Viewers may not talk about these subjects openly, but they certainly can read a blog and reflect on personal experiences. I hope that what I write helps others know that we all have situations in our lives that are great, or not so great, and then become great. Take a deep breath and then a sigh of relief realize that no, you are not alone.

A lot of “Thinking Out Loud”.

Thoughts?